"We want to me make sure that our partners' needs are taken care of because we want to contribute to their well-being and happiness," she says. A “forced relationship” is when two people are just tired of each other but still don’t want to break it off (this could be due to a number of reasons). When someone loves you and wants to be with you, they’ll be willing to do many things … Please don’t hurt yourself for someone who genuinely wouldn’t affected deeply if it were to end. Don’t try to force things to happen. You can’t force consistency. However, these things are essentially on a pre-determined course. If you and your partner are really meant to be together, experts say, there are some things in your relationship that you should never have to force. Just because you’re in a long-term relationship, that doesn’t mean you have to have sex when you don’t want to. You cannot make someone have a sound work ethic, for example. There’s a saying that you can force a horse to the stream but won’t force it to drink. Impatient, insecure, or damaged people try to force a relationship to develop quickly. Yes, it’s time to take a break and stop rushing love. You deserve to be in a relationship where you're getting just as much as you give. As Jane Reardon, licensed therapist and co-founder of RxBreakup, tells Bustle, when you and your partner can spontaneously laugh together, this shows that you're both present and together in the moment. Healthy couples that are meant to be know that it's OK to do your own thing every now and then. Below, experts weigh in with nine things … Subscribe to Our Blog and Get Regular Updates, The purpose of this website is to share positive thoughts about relationship. The truth is when you enter a relationship that you don’t have feelings for your partner, when you enter a relationship that was forced upon you or that you forced on yourself, there would come that time when you would lose value of the relationship. The love that used to be so great is no longer there. 13. Along the same lines, if you search for a silver lining in all of his crappy actions, you’re totally forcing it. 5. You are only implying how desperate you are. If you're only in it because you feel like you have to be in it, she says, it's probably not the right fit for you. After six years , Jacob wasn’t just financially independent, he was a very rich man. Well, maybe there is something missing, or may it not really meant for you. "When one person or the couple is forcing the relationship, things may feel like a constant struggle with competing needs and perspectives coupled with a lack of compromise." You can't really compare your sex life with any other couple because every relationship is different. But there is a such thing as putting in too much work. Emotional intimacy and affection are what sets a romantic relationship apart from a more platonic one. Don’t force a relationship Most singles are looking for someone special to spend their lives with. What are some things you can do in your relationship to move it towards the “wonderful” spectrum? Find out 7 things that happen when you rush a relationship. Relationships are like drugs -- if it’s not the right place or time you're only going to do things you'll regret later. It must evolve naturally over time. Checking each other’s social accounts and messages not only show that you don’t trust your partner but it also makes your relationship weak. But if they don’t do so – it doesn’t automatically mean they have something to hide. You have option to force things and make it worse or say YES to whatever future brings for you. You cannot force intrinsic qualities. Even the language we commonly use (including many dating and relationship experts ) is that of trying to make someone love us by will power, manipulation or simply force. You are only causing more distance between you two. You are only driving that person away from you. "Often times when people enter into a relationship, they feel like the other person should do all the things they enjoy doing," Perlstein says. By Cara Kovacs. Sometimes it can be quite difficult to not force something when we want it badly; but forcing someone to be in a relationship or love you is a recipe for total disaster. But others require time and their own uncorrupted environment to grow and form and work their magic. Examine your relationship criteria. This is a relationship which is usually dragged out and starts projecting a lot of negative energy. All rights reserved. 3. If there is one thing that can make all the above things possible in a relationship, it is communication. And he was a free man, no longer forced to stay in a relationship with a man he didn’t love, respect, or even like. Volume 0% 00:00 When A Relationship Doesn’t Feel Right, Don’t Force Yourself To Make It Right › Swoon. You are fighting to make things work and save the relationship but the truth is you are only disappointing yourself when things don’t meet the expectations you have set and that’ll only hurt you more. What do I mean by “don’t force things”? Whether you’re pushing every guy you date to say “I love you” after the first date or jumping from relationship to relationship hoping everything magically clicks, the more you rush things, the harder it is to find love. Respect and consideration for each other's needs should never be forced. Someone doesn’t “love you back”. Relationships do take work, even for couples who are seemingly "destined" to be together. You are only giving that person more reason to not care. If that's your or your partner's love language, Dennis says that makes it even more important. More often than not, these are the type of relationships that may not last. You don’t see the whole picture. You can’t force effort, patience, understanding, honesty, loyalty, commitment, trust and you can’t force a connection. Even couples who are "meant to be" have to put in the time and effort to make it last. Please don’t hurt yourself for someone who genuinely wouldn’t affected deeply if it were to end. I’m learning not to force things to happen. Image source:Pixabay 7.No spying. So here are some things you should never have to force in a relationship if it's really meant to be, according to experts. Many moons ago, I dated this complete jock strap when I was living over in the U.S. I’m not being mean –he really was grade A assclown material– but he was a knock-on effect of dropping the previous assclown. The progression of a romantic relationship cannot be forced. YOU’D DO ALL THE WORK . Maybe there is actually something better coming towards you, it just needs more time, or different form or shape, Just say yes whatever thee is, and saying yes is another aspect of not forcing things. "When one partner in particular is not feeling attractive or attraction to the other, different issues can arise based upon this need like physical or emotional cheating," she says. Don’t try to force any relationship that has gotten to this point. You don't have to beg your partner for his or her time. You may think that guy/girl is perfect for you and why still they treating you bad, but you can’t see is there can be better person out there who can treat you way better. Communication. 4. "Forcing a relationship means three things," Rachel Perlstein, LCSW, relationship coach and co-founder of A Good First Date, tells Bustle. Spending time together. As many single people in large urban areas may tell … Relationships are meant to bring out the best in you and your partner. People will either learn how to cultivate desirable attributes within themselves, or they won’t. But if things keep getting in the way of spending time together, your partner may not be prioritizing the relationship. Positive changes come over time, not by force. In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. This is a good willpower exercise for those looking to stop Relationship Forcing, so practice it as many times as you need to. I’m learning to just let them be, to let them align with my life when the time is right, to the let the universe bring them to me without having to run after them; because if you have to run after something, it means that it doesn’t want to stand still, it doesn’t want to be caught, it doesn’t want to stop at your door. 1. But there are a few things that shouldn't have to take that much effort. Being controlled. You want a promotion, raise. In other words, when you know, you know. It makes their relationship a lot stronger. If your partner cares and respects you, they would tend to ignore small issues and would avoid unnecessary fights. You try to cajole, persuade, threaten, intimidate, blackmail them. While communication can clear up a lot of relationship issues, you need to remember that you can't force anyone to change. Don’t ruin your chance at love just because you’re impatient. "But in fact, a healthy relationship involves separation and both individuals maintaining their own unique sense of self." So if you are the only one who is trying to make things between you work, you should stop forcing the relationship because it could lead to resentment. If it doesn’t happen as you want it, then maybe there is something wrong. That means, no matter what, you will find time to spend together because you genuinely like spending time together. There is no place of spying on each other in love. Forcing a relationship on someone beats everything that a relationship stands for, and when there isn’t a mutual interest/agreement between the two partners, these things will happen: 1. It might be hard to believe but millions of couple even share passwords to their social media profiles because they trust each other. A relationship doesn’t exist in a vacuum; being open to new experiences keeps it alive. A while back I wrote a post titled 6 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.In the months since I published it, the article has attracted a ton of comments—and you know it’s hit a nerve when big, grown-up websites who get paid to post smart grown-up things ask if they can copy/paste it, ostensibly to make a bunch of advertising money off people acting like assholes in their comment sections. Forcing things in a relationship makes it look unhealthy. Basically, couples who laugh together, stay together. A good relationship is based on trust. 9. I don’t know exactly what Jacob did to breed his sheep and increase his wealth, but it worked! Stop forcing love because its either there or nit isn’t. Don’t get me wrong; determination is good, but it’s not the same thing as forcing something. Everyone fights and goes through hard times, but that shouldn't completely take love or desire away. You shouldnât have to force love, affection, and intimacy in your relationship, Maria Lianos-Carbone, relationship expert and author, tells Bustle. It means that one or both partners feel like the relationship is taking a lot of effort, that either you or your partner's needs aren't being met, and that the relationship feels stuck. If it doesn't feel like this comes naturally, your partner may not be the right one for you. We talk of making him/her comply, submit, cave in, etc. As great as relationships can be, they also take a lot of work. If you have to force the basics like shared laughter or your partner's desire to be in a relationship, you may need to reconsider whether or not this is the right relationship for you. You can force something temporarily as a quick fix but long term this fix not going to work. They have mutual respect and never force things. You can’t force a relationship (or attraction) with a ‘Nice Guy’. There could be unforgivable things (cheating) in a relationship, which you might not wish to forget. This may seem obvious, but no one should have to force themselves to want to be in a relationship. If you have to be in a relationship, then everything needs to flow smoothly and you should never force these three things: 1. When A Relationship Doesn’t Feel Right, Don’t Force Yourself To Make It Right I am 18, edging on 19, and I still haven't had my first relationship yet. It can be that they’re the private type of person. 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